Love to Hate, Hate to Love

just a kiss to make me feel complete

2011-09-05T11:37:00.000-07:00

I’m afraid to close my eyes cause I might think of you. I’m afraid to open them cause I might see you. I’m afraid to move my lips cause I might speak of you. I’m afraid to listen cause I might hear my heart falling for you.

I’m not sure what I am to you and what we are right now but what really matters is you’re so damn special to me and I mean my life only for you. All I’m after is for you to know, you don’t have to feel the same.

to the late user of 90867156, we are nothing but just dreadful memories

2011-06-21T11:56:00.000-07:00

You know, I’ve tried writing a perfect ‘letter’ for you, but again and again I crushed it and threw it into the bin. I seriously have no idea on what should the content be, or even finding the right words to complete a sentence.

I have to admit, you were my ‘everything’. I was in a state of mixed feelings of missing you, hating you and even caring about you. I was trying to fix all those broken pieces. Till one day, those feelings slipped away that I finally realize there is no use of trying when those pieces don’t fit anymore.

You were such an inspiration to me, or maybe a very good friend. I couldn’t deny that we’ve been through a lot, those up and downs that made us even closer. We were inseparable that now it is inconsolable to see what we’ve become.

Talked about our anguished lives, and our devastated plus heartbroken hearts. We were both our own greatest enemies. As much as you were hurt by my absurd actions, you devastated me too. You need two hands to clap, and I think both of us are at fault.

Yes, we both shared memorable and a haunting memories. It was just sad, that it ended with tears instead of a smile. I couldn’t deny, that you were a great friend and that I did really miss the times when it was only you and me against the future.

I know, I fucked up, and my foul mouth kind of make things even worst. And by the time I realize, I was already too late. That night, when you asked me to head over to your house after midnight, I knew it was do or die.

I was trying my best to do things right. I really did try, but it is funny how after many years, you are talking about the regrets. I couldn’t take it but to cry, and that was when I realize I’ve lost you and it is already too late. Instead of comforting, you just looked away.

I’m sorry but one thing, stop blaming me and involve god. I believe in karma, and also the terms of empty vessel make the loudest noise. Yeah, I now know how terrible I am, and how much I actually mean to you. Knowing that I’ve tried, made me feel even worse. I’m fine with you letting me go, or you, moving on. But I guessed you have to make it worst by telling my secrets and also finally saying your regrets and the ‘confusion’ after many years we’ve spent time together.

Thank you for the years we’ve spent. It wasn’t that bad at all actually. Thank you for being there to watch over me in the times I needed you. Thank you for the late and long talks we used to have. Thank you for the sweet memories that we once shared. Thank you for the times we were each other’s pillar of strength. Thank you for the times you did care for me.

Thank you for the lies too, that you’re still my friend. Thank you for not replying my messages when I was still trying. And thank you for making me realize, after the times we’ve shared, the sweet and bitter memories are nothing but a painful piece of unworthy reminiscence.

that should be me

2011-05-06T04:41:00.000-07:00

Harga Diriku.. :(

2011-03-22T01:35:00.000-07:00

You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye

2011-03-07T21:22:00.000-08:00

I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while

You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up, and I know why

Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time

These days, I haven't been sleeping
Staying up, playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed, and I didn't call

Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized I loved you in the fall

And then the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry

Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand

This is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time, all the time

Loving You

2011-02-14T08:30:00.001-08:00

Ask me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you.

mana pergi janji mu, setia di sisi?

2011-02-12T09:24:00.000-08:00

Afraid

2011-02-09T06:49:00.001-08:00

Why am I afraid to lose you when you're not even mine..

Puaskah?

2011-02-07T22:30:00.000-08:00

"Mungkin hanya bila ku mati

Kau ‘kan berhenti ‘tuk menyakiti"

Dream

2011-02-06T08:05:00.000-08:00

I had a dream and it was about you ...
I smiled and recalled the memories we had ...
then I noticed a tear fell from my eyes ... you know why?
Coz in my dream you kissed me and said goodbye ...

I'm not meant for you.

2011-02-04T07:38:00.000-08:00

i regret that i've made u cry

and let u choose someone else

but don ever deny ur destiny

coz it must be the best for u

dont ever remember me again

coz im not meant for u

even i beg for ur heart

dont ever leave the someone for me

Happy Ending

2010-08-14T21:37:00.000-07:00

I think, i finally found my happy ending.

Who said saying Goodbye is easy?

2010-07-11T10:00:00.001-07:00

I still see your face in my dreams

It hurts and it doesn't help at all

I still want you in my life as crazy as that seems

I want you to catch me when I fall

I still remember the first time we met

There was something so different about you

Your friendship was something I wanted to get

That smile when you said hi to me was so new

I miss you and everything you were to me

Ten years from now we will look back on it all

We will be older and finally be able to see

That love will stand the test of time and never fall

And finally, all of these, are now just memories that I wish to always remember and never to forget. Even though, we are all different, the bond between us makes us the same.

Let the pictures show it all.

PS: I miss them already! :(

bloody six

2010-07-02T13:09:00.000-07:00

6 bloody years,

6 different fears.

6 different pain,

6 different gain.

You were all that I need,

You were all that I cared.

You were the one that I hit,

You were the one who eventually got scared.

The promises and the lies,

The friendship and the broken tie.

The smile and the tears,

The pain my heart sears.

All the memories disappear,

And now there's no more a friend.

Never look back my dear.

For this is the end

Nina Nazliana

Unconditional Love

2010-06-24T23:39:00.000-07:00

Love is a word to represent a bond between humans. It is a word to represent the actions between humans, and it is also a word to represent kindness and also the care and concern between human beings. Love knows no boundaries.

And who said, Love is only between a girl and a guy, a mother to a daughter? Who said it is all about the skin, the blood and also the pride? Love in the matter of fact, is shared between anybody and everybody. And personally, I found Love through these special people whom I called Family.

Je24 Family

Adik-Beradik Je24

Though it may be the last time that I will be spending my weekends with them, it will not be the last time that I will be spending my days with them. <3

I just couldn't

2009-11-19T17:35:00.000-08:00

Jujur kukatakan kepadamu (It's the truth that when I tell you)
Bahwa kamu yang paling mengerti (That you are the most understanding)
Takkan ada yang lain (There will never be others)
Menggantikan dirimu lagi (That could replace you anymore)
Berulang kali telah aku coba (Too many times that I have tried)
Membuka hati untuk yang lain (To open my heart for someone else)
Namun semua berakhir (But all ended)
karena cintaku hanya untukmu (cause my love is only for you)
Reff:
Salahkah diriku yang tak bisa (It's my fault for not able to)
Merepikan dirimu dalam hatiku (able to keep you stay in my heart)
Aku telah mencoba teras ku mencoba (I've tried and i keep on trying)
Namun ku tak bisa (but I just couldn't)
Mungkin memang aku bersalah (Maybe it's really my fault)
Tak bisa menjadi yang kau minta (for not able to be what you want me to)
Andai dulu kutahu (If only I've realize it last time)
Pasti kita masih kan bersama (I'm sure we will still be together)
Karena dengan arti dirimu yang selalu ada (In hope that you will always be there)
Dihati ini punya arti bersamaku (This hope will always lingers with me)
Aku telah mencoba terus ku mencoba (I've tried and i keep on trying)
Namun ku tak bisa (But i just couldn't)
Aku tak bisa 2x (i just couldn't)
Melupakanmu (forget you)
Nazliana

tumbling down..

2009-11-15T21:23:00.000-08:00

As i answered your phone that night,

i knew it will be something that frights.

As you cry your heart out,

i could only listen with a doubt.

Who say life always end with a happy ending? But who also say life ends with a fucking end? well, you cant assume nor can you choose. It's fate but you can always choose what you wanna be, what you wanna become, and maybe choose the right way out in being happy or sad, thinking negative or positive?

I've died alot of times. I cried alot of time. I was broken alot of times. But that doesn't mean that it's the end for me - i supposed. Its just that we have to move on. No matter how fucked up your life is, no matter how hurt those people left you with, you need to stand up and move on. Cos, again, its your life after all. Oh shuddup nina. Fuck and move on.

Nazliana

sometimes it is better to be left unsaid

2009-10-19T07:37:00.000-07:00

you were my life

you were my dreams

but i guessed,

it's no longer anymore

When i first saw you, I was in love with you. When I first talk to you, I was dying to be with you. When I first get to be with you, I was crazy to live with you. But, I was wrong. When the first time you walked away, I was dying to meet you again. When I first saw you, I was dying to love you again. But when I almost loving you again, you broke my heart.

Have you ever loose someone you love, and when you find them back, you're like, how you've wished you never get there at all? Have you ever cry for someone, that now you feel you've wasted your tears? Have you ever cut yourself, to feel the pain but then you've realize, there was never the pain? Have you ever felt hope, and then realize it will never come true?

Well, not me.

I love you can't you see it?

I care for you, can't you feel it?

I cry for you, can't you touch it?

Guessed you can't.

And never will.

i wonder cause, i can't.

2009-10-17T12:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in life,

when you think you are right

it's actually wrong.

there's a saying that goes, love others without expecting it in return. but is it really worth it? is it really true? how could someone simply love and not get it in return? how could someone simply care and not getting concern in return? how could someone simply smile, without getting laughter in return? i wonder cause, i can't.

Sometimes, I can never understand what is on my mind.

What is the word i speak, what is the work i do. What is the song i sing. What is the rhythm i hear. What is the joke i laugh. what is tears i cry. what is the problems i fight. And mainly, what is the happiness that i'm finding.

i wonder. and still wonder.

I don't believe you

2009-10-15T16:03:00.000-07:00

You know it hurts a lot.

Looking at you.

Seeing you.

Reading you.

Thinking of you.

Missing you.

Loving you.

You were a friend. You were my friend. You were someone.

You gave me hope. You gave me dream. You gave me strength.

You listened to me. You watched over me. You took care of me.

But not anymore..

You made me cry. You made me hate myself. You made me silent.

You are giving me pain. You are giving me hurt. You are giving me tears.

Just leave me alone...

Just a piece of plain white paper

2009-10-15T13:14:00.000-07:00

Our life is just like a piece of white paper.

We scribble on it.

We draw on it.

We make it colorful.

We made it looked Cool.

We make it important.

Despite all the colors,

We must remember..

We are just a piece of White Paper

Despite the laughter I've seen, Despite the tears I've shed, Despite the words I've used, Despite the life I've been living, I just think, Life is something that I should learn to accept.

I dream too much that I can't see the truth. I hoped too much that I can't see reality. I laugh too much that I can no longer see the sadness in me. I change to much, that I can no longer see the REAL ME.

People come to your life for a reason. But i just think some people just come to your life to make you Happy. To make you Smile. To make you Dream. To make you Laugh. To make you Hope.

And then, they'll be the one who takes everything away from you and fuck up your life. People always say, we must stand back up whenever we fall. But i think, i fell too much that i can no longer stand back up.It hurts to be hurt. It's tiring to always cry. It sucks to always hate.

But isn't hatred what you've made me into?

I'm Already gone

2009-10-10T00:48:00.000-07:00

Every night I cry myself to sleep,

Cause I was hoping you to be there..

But now I know I only have the memories to keep,

Cause you no longer care..

Can't you see I'm crying every night? Can't you see I'm dying inside? Can't you see I'm giving up? Can't you see I'm faking my smile? Can't you see I barely laugh? Can't you see I'm lonely? can't you see?

I need you to show me that you care. I need you to help me. I need you to be there. I need you to show me. I need you to love me. I need you to hear me. Or maybe, I just Needed you to KILL me.

Sometimes i wonder, why do i always helping people? Why do I always try to make people happy? Why do I always make people laugh? Why do I always please them? Why can't I be them? I cared so much that I lied so much.

*The picture that you see,

the picture that you hate,

the picture that you asked me to change,

the picture that you went eee.

Wasn't i smiling?

Oh wait, Maybe i was dying?

That's just the real me..

Nina Nazliana

Take my life away.

2009-10-09T08:21:00.000-07:00

I just feel that sometimes in life,

we do too many stupid mistakes..

That now, we are clueless,

of the wrong and right..

In life, we have always occupy ourselves with things to do and even things to say. We fill our life with happiness and We share it with laughters. We fill our life with hope and We share it with dreams. We fill our life with love and We share it with care and concern. But is it always enough?

What if, I wanna fill my life with happiness, do I always end up laughing? What if I wanna fill my life with hope, will my dream always come true? And if I wanna fill my life with love, do i even feel it in return? I wonder. Cause, I.Can't.Feel.Any.

We hope to much, we dream too much, that we forgot. That life is unpredictable. If Love is really blind, then will you help me by taking my sight away? Instead of seeing hatred, I could now possibly feel love. Instead of listening to sin, I could now hear peace. Instead of sniffing sadness, I could possibly now smell the aroma of happiness.

I'm no longer like what you think..

2009-10-08T00:50:00.000-07:00

It's funny how someone could smile.

It's funny how someone could laugh.

It's funny when someone could think.

It's funny how someone could live cos,

I can't do it anymore.

Sometimes, have you ever felt that you just wanna give up on life and just kill yourself. This feeling is bothering me badly. I'm hurt. Deeply. I'm no longer as strong to overcome this feeling anymore. I've tried cutting myself, but after awhile I'm immune to the pain. It's like, the pain that is stuck inside me now seems to be getting worst.

It hurts me so bad that i could just jump down from a building. I can't understand, why am i smiling so much, when I'm actually dying inside. I can't understand why am i laughing so much, when I'm actually mute inside? I can't understand why am i hearing peace, when deep down inside the sound of the war is killing me. I dun understand why am i smelling freedom, when deep down I'm actually smelling Death?

I've once dream. I've once hope. I've once have faith. I've have once determined. But now. I just kept crying. I just kept quiet. I just kept to myself. i just kept giving up. I'm just no longer myself.

Nina Nazliana

if i say i ♥ u, will u do me good and say u ♥ me too?

2009-07-23T19:49:00.001-07:00

sometimes, when i dun understand. why do people hide their feelings when they love someone? and then felt hurt for not having their Love return. It sucks to have that kind of feeling. Is it that sometimes we just wanna wait and wait and wait again till the magic happens? well i feel that the magic will never happen if you never work your way.

Life is about exploring. Love is about giving. Friends is about Laughter.

So much for my happy ending

2009-07-14T01:48:00.000-07:00

Let's talk this over

It's not like we're dead

Was it something I did?

Was it something You said?

Don't leave me hanging

In a city so dead

Held up so high

On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew

And I thought we could be

[Chorus:]

You were everything, everything that I wanted

We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it

And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away

All this time you were pretending

So much for my happy ending

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your dumb friends

I know what they say

They tell you I'm difficult

But so are they

But they don't know me

Do they even know you?

All the things you hide from me

All the shit that you do [CD version]

All the stuff that you do [radio edited version]

You were all the things I thought I knew

And I thought we could be

[Chorus]

It's nice to know that you were there

Thanks for acting like you cared

And making me feel like I was the only one

It's nice to know we had it all

Thanks for watching as I fall

And letting me know we were done

[Chorus x2]

[x2]

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

So much for my happy ending

Sometimes in life when you think everything was going right, unfortunately the other way round. I'm no longer as strong as what you think. I'm not as Loud as what you hear. I'm not as what you see now. I laughed so hard so you could not see my tears. I hurt myself so you wouldn't feel hurt.

One Thing.

Life. Sucks.

you're only almost here...

2009-06-30T07:02:00.000-07:00

Did I hear you right

'cause I thought you said

Let's think it over

You have been my life

And I never planned

Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light

Where the love once shined so bright

Came without a reason

Don't let go on us tonight

Love's not always black and white

Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you

You're almost here

And I know that's not enough

And when I'm with you

I'm close to tears

'cause your only almost here

I would change the world

If I had a chance

Oh won't you let me

Treat me like a child

Throw your arms around me

Oh please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words

Dazed and shattered now it hurts

Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you

You're almost here

And I know that's not enough

And when I'm with you

I'm close to tears

'cause you're only almost here

Bruised and battered by your words

Dazed and shattered now it hurts

Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you

You're almost here

Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you

And when I hold you you're almost here

Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted

And now I'm with you I'm close to tears

'cause I know I'm almost here

Only almost here,.

It has been three days, that i kept dreaming and thinking of you. Every time i'm alone, I was hoping for you to be with me. hug me when i need someone. Listen to me when i need someone to hear. Slap me when i need someone to shut me up. Love me as i need someone to love.

You bring tears to my eyes each night knowing that you are no longer there. 6 years to know that you are the one. 6 years to know that i love you. 6 years to know we have separate. 6 more years to know we disappeared. I love you. I miss you. I know it is too late now, but maybe i was foolish to take advantage of having you around. looking at the picture, the love letter, the ring, makes me cry and sigh longer.

I'm searching for you, but you are not there. I'm thinking of you but i don't know if you still care. nothing have change, only my heart getting distorted and in pieces. Having you in my dreams were something that i didn't expect. I wasn't expecting. I'm hurt,. cos you are only almost here....

*Don't let me go, i'm still waiting and hoping....

Nina Nazliana

I'm Sorry,.

2009-06-27T20:54:00.000-07:00

If I would lie awake in the streets

Just waiting for a car to hit me

Could I get your attention for just this time

For just tonight

If I would cry myself to sleep

Would I wake up in a bed of tears with you

Or would you let me drown in my own mistakes

If I leave a note to say I'm sorry

Will that be enough to make you love me

If I tried my best to make you happy

Will you do your best to listen to me

(Hey hey) I'm sorry

If I could just take back what I've done

And tell you I hate the man that I've become

Would you make me a promise

To never let me do this to you again

If I had my way right now

I'd be alone with you right next to me

Speaking softly, telling me that you love me

Since the day I saw your face

I knew you were the one for me

And now you're gone and I'm still here

Waiting for you my dear

If I leave a note to say I'm sorry

Will that be enough to make you love me

If I tried my best to make you happy

Will you do your best to listen to me

(Hey hey)

I'm sorry for the way I ran out on you

I'd apologize but you don't want me to

I don't even mind if you're not listening

I want the world to know I'd give up anything for you(for you)

If I leave a note to say I'm sorry

Will that be enough to make you love me

If I tried my best to make you happy

Will you do your best to listen to me

(Hey hey)

If I leave a note to say I'm sorry

Will that be enough to make you love me

If I tried my best to make you happy

Will you do your best to listen to me

-I'm Sorry [ Dan Erickson ]

A song that i think everyone should listen. Something that is more into our life. Thanks to Shaun, i'm attached to this song. It reminds me, sometimes, people let go when they are not supposed to. While some, hold onto when they need to let it go. Why? I wonder. We cry over things that are not meant to waste time on.

Well, Life's like that. Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound of something else. Somethings hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you shouldn't. And, that's life.

* It's too late to turn back

Nina Nazliana

Good bye

2009-06-16T21:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when you think that everything is gonna be ok,

that's when all the shit happens.

One thing sure, friends are not forever.

I've felt all the heartaches in the world. Be it about life, love, or worst in friendships. All of it have make an impact on me. Making me so numb that i almost lost my feelings. But one thing sure, it has make me a stronger individual who care no shit about anyone else.

I used to think that friends are forever. I used to love someone more than myself. That's when i realize i'm losing myself real bad. I gave so much that in the end, i was still alone. I tried my best in the friendship, but yet again betrayal seems to be my friend instead. I trust so much that i was lied. I wonder why?

6 years of my life, i told myself, that everything was ok. But no. I lied to myself. It only took me 6 years for me to loose my happiness. All of it. So don't you ever talk or cry about something that I've cried long ago. One thing sure, what ever that happens, I have to stand back up again. That is why, i always tend to stay stronger than my usual strength.

Ive always told myself, people come and go in your life. Never should i be discouraged or feel upset. Look up, stand up, and move forward. Love myself more than I love others. Cause in the very end, whatever that I've been through with YOU, I dun want that to happen to anyone else. Leave me alone.

*Sometimes, it is better to be strangers.

Nina Nazliana

Good Friends Vs Best Friends

2009-06-15T12:40:00.000-07:00

A good friend will tell you what you want to hear.

A true friend will always tell the truth.

A good friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.

A true friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A good friend will be there for you all through school.

A true friend will be there till the day you die.

A good friend will bail you out of prison.

A true friend will be sitting next to you saying

"damn that was fun!".

A good friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.

A true friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

A good friend hates it when you call after they've gone to bed.

A true friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A good friend wonders about your romantic history.

A true friend could blackmail you with it.

A good friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.

A true friend calls you after you had a fight.

A good friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.

A true friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A good friend has never seen you cry.

A true friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A good friend doesn't know your parents' first names.

A true friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A good friend expects you to always be there for them.

A true friend expects to always be there for you.

A good friend is someone you enjoy hanging out with.

A true friend is someone you need.

Someone ever tell me that I'm his/her good friend. I felt good. And after that i kept wondering, what's the difference between good and the best till I found this. I no longer wants to be his/her good friend. This made me think and has made me realize that I'm pushing myself and trying to be at the best to someone who may not see me as their best. It hurts. Maybe cause i put too much effort in the friendship, when the someone is not appreciating my presence.

SOMEONE,

Don't you ever realize that i care for you so much?

Don't you know that I wish and hoped the best for you everyday?

When ever you needed me, wasn't i there?

Wasn't I there to see you cry?

Wasn't I there to hear your cries?

Wasn't I there at all?

* I was there when you needed me. Where were you when I needed YOU?

Nina Nazliana

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Love and Un-Loved

2009-06-15T10:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I asked myself,

What is the meaning of Love?

To care about someone's heart, body or health?

Or is it about the lust that you will serve?

One thing sure about my love story,

It is always dull and my pages are still very much empty.

My heart can no longer share the happiness,

Cause my heart needs time to cure first.

Why must we always part with the ones we care?

Instead of them, we have enemies to share.

Is this what we call love for someone?

Be it a friend, family, daughter or son?

I just hate the emotion of sadness,

Cause that's when our life felt the emptiness.

But Somehow that's when the meaning of love is tested,

Whether a happy ending or one's dream shattered.

I ever asked a certain someone, whether he/she wants to go into a relationship. The most thing the person said was 'haven found the person i wan to commit to'. And the person continued saying that people these days go for looks and they give a lot of reasons to say No to the people who are not appealing to them.

I wonder why. Why do we take advantage of people who actually care and love us? Why do we not see it till the person is gone? Why do we regret at the very end? Why do we alway wants to make ourself feels good by trying to have the best? But eventually it doesn't last or worst, we don't even have a chance! And still. I wonder why.

* Love is not something that we can feel everyday other than Hurt.

Nina Nazliana

When I'm Gone.

2009-06-13T09:14:00.000-07:00

I was not myself this few days.

I don't know what actually i'm supposed to face.

I just can't be left sitting all alone,

Cos soon I'll be thinking about the piece of stone.

When i think about my future,

All I think is about sadness, death for sure.

Knowing a piece of stone with my name will be on top of me,

It will then reflect on my deeds and sins after all i've been.

Many questions is on my mind right now,

Will i end up burning in flame or smiling and end it with a bow.

Will people remember me cause of my kindness,

Or even worse, they end up giving me a curse.

But i know life is never easy nor is it hard,

I know I can't regret now cos i've been bad from the start.

But when i'm gone all i ever want is Peace,

Cos that's the only thing that my soul will be at ease.

When I'm gone don't even cry,

I'm not asking for sympathy but just a smile that i wanna see.

Look at me for the last time when i'm still lying on my bed,

Most importantly, remember me when i'm dead.

* Only Love and Death Change All Things.

Nina Nazliana

Scorpio Vs Friendship.

2009-06-12T00:36:00.000-07:00

Relationships with Scorpio are always complicated, just like the person, their relationships are a series of extremes, they can even be downright moody for no apparent reason. Scorpios are known for their possessiveness and jealousy but on the other hand, they are extremely loyal.

Scorpios have an excellent memory and combined with an inability to let things go, they can hold a grudge against someone who did them harm forever, in fact a Scorpio rarely if never forgives and forgets. They will even go as far as get vengeance on the person.

On the other hand, they will always remember a kind gesture forever and repay it. Any kind selfless gesture done to a Scorpio will gain trust and respect which is extremely important to them in any relationship, either romantic or not.

The best advice is to be honest with a Scorpio friend and in return, you will gain an amazing friend you will never forget and who will be loyal to you and never make false promises. Their truthful and shocking sense of humor if different than that of any other zodiac sign and the Scorpio makes an amazing, powerful interesting friend that can be trusted.

I Am A Scorpio. And I Love Being One.

Love me, Believe me. Hate me, Leave Me.

Nina Nazliana

If Only,..

2009-06-11T08:51:00.000-07:00

I used to think that i was strong. I used to think that's life is all about being rebellious. I used to think that smoking was cool. I used to think that I can be who I wanna be. I used to think that I was important. I used to think that Dreams are something that is true. And the most of all is that, I used to think that friends are forever.

Well, now, in this very moment, it seemed that everything that I said is something that is stupid and never possible. I just realize that I'm actually a weak soul who have done too many stupid things in life that i just don't realize. Worst, Someone once told me, I tend to ignore and hurt the person who loves me, and eventually loves the person who actually is ignoring me by doing something that I'm not supposed to.

This actually kept me thinking. Is it really my fault? For an individual, I just wanna make people around me feel the happiness and feel that they are wanted somehow. And I'm not asking anything for a return. But it's just that I felt in times people may misjudge me for something that I didn't mean to do or say.

For me, I just wanna be happy with the people whom I love, Even though when deep inside me, I'm hurt or sad. I know, I kept too many things inside me, and it's bugging me all the time. I just dunno who to tell. If only life was much easier. If only someone could just hear me out. If only someone understands me.

But yet again, it will always be another 'If Only'...

Life Still Moving On!

2009-06-10T20:33:00.000-07:00

It's hurtful when too many things kept inside you. The worst is that you don't wanna say it out cause the feeling of wanting to be left alone and becoming a hero trying to solve the problems yourself. - And you know you can't even do it! It sucks. It hurts. But Life still have to move on!

And it seemed yesterday was the day that everything came trembling down. I lost my grandmother. I know, I may not be as close, but her loss seems to be affecting in a way or another. Looking at her and kissing her forehead for a last time kinda hurts me a lot. I pray that her soul will always be at peace.

This makes me realize that life is actually short. Life is full of unexpected things that will just make your life crazy. In one day, you will find your happiness, and in a second, it will just be your worst nightmare. And it make me realize how much i've actually hurt a lot of people in a way or another. Be it I did it in purpose or the other way round. And What if, one day my tomorrow never comes. I'll bet i'll regret and will be swearing at myself. But one thing sure, Life have to keep moving on.

I wanna change. I wanna live. I wanna cry. I wanna laugh. I wanna do things that i have not yet done. I wanna love. I wanna hate. Cause in the end, I wanna repent And I don't wanna die yet.

Nina Nazliana