I’m afraid to close my eyes cause I might think of you. I’m afraid to open them cause I might see you. I’m afraid to move my lips cause I might speak of you. I’m afraid to listen cause I might hear my heart falling for you.
I’m not sure what I am to you and what we are right now but what really matters is you’re so damn special to me and I mean my life only for you. All I’m after is for you to know, you don’t have to feel the same.
You know, I’ve tried writing a perfect ‘letter’ for you, but again and again I crushed it and threw it into the bin. I seriously have no idea on what should the content be, or even finding the right words to complete a sentence.
I have to admit, you were my ‘everything’. I was in a state of mixed feelings of missing you, hating you and even caring about you. I was trying to fix all those broken pieces. Till one day, those feelings slipped away that I finally realize there is no use of trying when those pieces don’t fit anymore.
You were such an inspiration to me, or maybe a very good friend. I couldn’t deny that we’ve been through a lot, those up and downs that made us even closer. We were inseparable that now it is inconsolable to see what we’ve become.
Talked about our anguished lives, and our devastated plus heartbroken hearts. We were both our own greatest enemies. As much as you were hurt by my absurd actions, you devastated me too. You need two hands to clap, and I think both of us are at fault.
Yes, we both shared memorable and a haunting memories. It was just sad, that it ended with tears instead of a smile. I couldn’t deny, that you were a great friend and that I did really miss the times when it was only you and me against the future.
I know, I fucked up, and my foul mouth kind of make things even worst. And by the time I realize, I was already too late. That night, when you asked me to head over to your house after midnight, I knew it was do or die.
I was trying my best to do things right. I really did try, but it is funny how after many years, you are talking about the regrets. I couldn’t take it but to cry, and that was when I realize I’ve lost you and it is already too late. Instead of comforting, you just looked away.
I’m sorry but one thing, stop blaming me and involve god. I believe in karma, and also the terms of empty vessel make the loudest noise. Yeah, I now know how terrible I am, and how much I actually mean to you. Knowing that I’ve tried, made me feel even worse. I’m fine with you letting me go, or you, moving on. But I guessed you have to make it worst by telling my secrets and also finally saying your regrets and the ‘confusion’ after many years we’ve spent time together.
Thank you for the years we’ve spent. It wasn’t that bad at all actually. Thank you for being there to watch over me in the times I needed you. Thank you for the late and long talks we used to have. Thank you for the sweet memories that we once shared. Thank you for the times we were each other’s pillar of strength. Thank you for the times you did care for me.
Thank you for the lies too, that you’re still my friend. Thank you for not replying my messages when I was still trying. And thank you for making me realize, after the times we’ve shared, the sweet and bitter memories are nothing but a painful piece of unworthy reminiscence.